Hey all, Ernesto here with the weekly “Addiction Testimonials” column. Sorry I didn’t post it last week. Anyway, for anyone interested in reading the previous few week’s installments, just click on any of the following links: Addiction Testimonials 1, Addiction Testimonials 2, and Addiction Testimonials 3, Addiction Testimonials 4. Until next week…Enjoy…E
Pt. 5 Addiction Testimonials: The Hell of Christian School
To say I didn’t fit in was an understatement; a lion would have seemed to fit better in Alaska. Still, I had no choice. I was at that perfectly awful age were you’re old enough to have opinions but not yet in possession of enough power to do anything about it. I loathed uniforms. At every chance, I untucked my maroon polo from my perma-creased navy pants. I made sure to pimp out my shoes as they were my only means of expression. I went with a Halloween theme—black Chuck Allstars with thick orange laces, strung in the unconventional straight-across pattern, rather than crossed.
To this day, one incident still stands out very clearly in my mind. I was in my 7th grade physical science class, and my teacher was knocking archeologist and their life-long endeavors of cataloging dinosaurs’ bones for the sake of academia, as trickery. I pressed him to explain further. Immediately, he became agitated. Nonetheless, he replied: “You see, its not that they don’t find bones. The bones are there. It’s just that they’re not real. You see, the Devil plants those bones in the ground to create doubt in men’s hearts. They read the findings and believe that the bones are millions of years old. And if the bones are millions of years old, than the Earth is millions of years old. And if the Earth is millions of years old…Well, that just doesn’t fit into God’s design according to the Bible.”
I was profoundly confused at his logic and replied: “Well how old is the Earth then, according to the Bible?” He answered without a pause, “Six thousand years-old, of course, silly.” I just smirked at his answer and told him that that was impossible. I asked him if he had ever heard of carbon dating—the measure by which archeologist could use advanced technology to analyze the carbon found in all living matter to determine its age, exactly. His face flushed instantly until it was indiscernible from a stop sign, had one been placed next to his perfectly parted hair combed head. He then screamed at the top of his lungs: “I will have none of this in my class room” and proceed to kick me out. This was just one of a long stream of events that occurred in that Christian school.
Nonetheless, what happened in that school was that for the first time in my life, I was interacting with the sons of rich, disillusioned, miserable drunks that coped with their mundane lives by getting wasted. Of course that meant for me that alcohol and cigarettes were readily available for sneaking and using. By 13-years-old, I was drinking at least once a week and smoking cigarettes 2 or 3 times. However, that was just the beginning and soon wouldn’t be enough.
It was around that time that I made friends with the only other middle-class outcast of the school. He would eventually become life long using buddy. I will only refer to him as Santos. Anyway, we had just bought the Dr. DRE album, “The Chronic,” which was all about pimping hoes and smoking out and decided it was time for the next level. We had to find some way to use marijuana—it was on par with losing virginity to us—and sure enough one of our classmates was about to help us with our conquest…
12/05/2009 at 4:30 pm Permalink
I have a similar childhood situation where in Sunday school I had asked where the offering money went and they answered to God. So after the offering I promptly excused myself to go to the restroom and follow the man in the hallway picking up the envelopes passed outside the doors. I followed him to the office where he put all the envelopes. Adults should be very weary of children and lying. I never went to church soon after as began to pay even closer attention and unravel the lies.